You might be a DBA if


August 30, 2017 by Kenneth Fisher

I’d been trying to think of a fun post to write and an homage to Jeff Foxworth’s You might be a redneck series seemed like a good idea. To that end, I create a hashtag #YouMightBeADBA and wrote my post on twitter :). Of course, it turns out that the hashtag has been around for years, but either way, here are my contributions.

  • If everything you said in the last meeting boiled down to no or it depends #YouMightBeADBA
  • If you have more authority than you are really comfortable with #YouMightBeADBA
  • If your co-workers see nothing wrong with asking you to do a 10 pm install and a 4 am install on the same day #YouMightBeADBA
  • If you dream in 8k pages #YouMightBeADBA
  • If someone says TEMPDB and you immediately think of a port-a-potty #YouMightBeADBA (or Brent Ozar (b/t))
  • If someone says sysadmin and your head immediately starts spinning around and you start spitting pea soup #YouMightBeADBA
  • If your favorite joke involves a bar, 2 tables and the word join #YouMightBeADBA
  • If you have your coffee on an IV drip #YouMightBeADBA
  • If you look on your children as incremental backups of yourself and your spouse #YouMightBeADBA
  • If jokes that have the acronym DBCC in them are almost always funny #YouMightBeADBA
  • Heck, If you have ever heard a joke with the acronym DBCC in it #YouMightBeADBA
  • If you’ve spent more than hour discussing (arguing really) the pros, cons and definition of NULL #YouMightBeADBA
  • If you have 2 of everything (computer, cables etc) just in case something breaks #YouMightBeADBA (and probably a presenter)
  • If it’s YOUR data #YouMightBeADBA
  • If you consider a day of training a social event #YouMightBeADBA
  • If you know why the term Always On bothers Allan Hirt (b/t) #YouMightBeADBA
  • If one of your goals is to automate yourself out of a job #YouMightBeADBA
  • If you consider a well-written report a thing of beauty #YouMightBeADBA
  • If you’ve ever taken a picture of your “office” and it’s the beach, and you are actually working #YouMightBeADBA
  • If tuning a query, writing a report, or configuring an instance is the fun part of your day #YouMightBeADBA
  • If you have more than 4 books on Powershell, Query Tuning, SQL Server Internals, etc #YouMightBeADBA
  • If someone says they have a heap of books on the table and you wonder why there isn’t a clustered index on the table #YouMightBeADBA
  • If you have an opinion on which direction you should read an execution plan (right to left or left to right) #YouMightBeADBA
  • If every time Microsoft releases a new version of SQL Server you are at once excited and feeling even more overwhelmed #YouMightBeADBA
  • If you have a hard time putting a space between the words back and up #YouMightBeADBA

5 thoughts on “You might be a DBA if

  1. Bernie Basel says:

    if the vowel keys on your keyboard look like they have never been used. #YouMightBeADBA

  2. kevriley says:

    If you know who Little Bobby Tables is #YouMightBeADBA

  3. Chris Harshman says:

    If your bookshelf, music collection, and kitchen pantry are all organized into highly classified sets, and you periodically reorganize them for more optimal retrieval of frequently used items, then #YouMightBeADBA

  4. If you hit F5 to send email and wish you had an F5 button for the mower, the car… #YouMightBeADBA

  5. Jim Clark says:

    You go to a buffet and Select * pops into your head. #YouMightBeADBA

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