Data jokes

1

November 23, 2021 by Kenneth Fisher

I’m feeling a bit uninspired this week, and I plan on only doing one post this week, so I figured I’d just post some dad database jokes. If you’ve got any please add them in the comments, I’d love to see them.

  • I saw a great movie about databases today.
    I can’t wait for the SQL. (I didn’t say they would be good jokes)
  • A couple of relational databases walked into a NoSQL bar.
    They left because they couldn’t find a table!
  • Why did the DBA leave her wife?
    She found out it was a one-to-many relationship.
  • A guy was keeping a spreadsheet of her exes. One of them had gone to jail and so ended up celebrate against his will.
    They were stored in an incel-in-cell ex-excel cell.
  • I’ve got a database of Hip hop music. It’s a CarDB.
  • A database professional walks into a bar and joins two tables.
  • Why are sailors terrible DBAs.
    They try to make all of the data float.
  • What did the DBA say after recovering a corrupted database?
    Keep calm and query on.
  • A guy started a crowd-sourced internet database for turntables. It’s called Wiki-Wiki-Wikipedia.
  • Why was the DBA on the space station so frustrated?
    They kept dropping tables but they wouldn’t go anywhere!
  • If you decide to store all these jokes they should really go in a dad-a-base.

One thought on “Data jokes

  1. dave wentzel says:

    noice. A few of my favorite aphorisms (not necessarily jokes):

    My Big Data is unreliable, but the insights I gain from it are fascinating.

    The first mistake a DBA makes is in becoming one

    A database is a rational logical universe. The DBA, however, may still believe in the tooth fairy.

    And here is a little ditty I wrote for ETL developers…think Boy George…
    Comma, comma, comma, comma, comma, Sea Are EL Eff
    You end each line, you end each line
    ETL would be easy if you had no embedded quotes
    Escape them please, escape them please

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